Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Establishing Safe Boundaries

Have you ever had a friend that has relapsed or fallen off the cliff so hard that it feels like a piece of you went with them? If you have been around long enough, the answer is probably yes. I think of the old proverb, "When you shoot a zebra in the black stripe, the white dies too; shoot it in the white and the black dies too." Many of us have had friends die spiritually or even physically in recovery and that is so hard isn't it? One of the things that was the hardest adjustment for me early on in this process was establishing a balance between being "involved" in someone's recovery vs. "living" their recovery. Sometimes we have close friends and family we care about in our life fall, end up in prison, run from their family or faith, make choices that destroy their life, even die due to their addictions or choices.  Truth be told, we are effected by this cause we are human and can't help that. I have learned that all I can do is make myself available to welcome them home if and when they are ready to deal with the consequences of their choices just like I had to in my life. God is teaching me though, that I have to establish a line of boundaries. I cannot become so consumed in another's recovery that I hurt my own. Codependency can be an enemy that can create unhealthy situations if I am not careful. I am grateful for my own accountability to keep loving those that might fall around me, but to not fall with them if they do themselves. "Multiplication" is essential in our recovery journey. What the Lord has done in my life has to be shared with another. We just need to be on guard as we do it. God bless any of you that have ever invested in a messy situation in someone's life. Keep multiplying what has been done in you. Remember though, keep those boundaries up so we keep you on the road no matter what happens to them. Keep praying for those who fall and welcome them with open arms when they seek help, wanting their recovery as much or more than you want their recovery. You are making a difference. "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Gal 6:1  Have a great day. Rodney Holmstrom

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