Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Amends: No if's or But's

When I was a young teenager I worked as a closer at a fast food restaurant and most nights would get home around 1AM.
One night after work a buddy of mine and me decided to go hang out for a couple hours after work, but I didn't call my mom to tell her.
We lived in a pretty rough part of town in Phoenix, AZ, so you can imagine how my mom felt sitting at home waiting on her son to come home.

When I got home at 3AM or so, she was literally vomiting from worry.
I remember how horrible I felt but the little boy in me wanted to justify my actions with "if" or "but".

As an adult I sometimes still find that little boy trying to climb back out when I hurt people.
When we make amends to those we have hurt, it is tempting to say things like, "I'm sorry if hurt you 'but', I had a long day at work and wanted to play."
Or, "'If' I hurt you and worried you, then I am sorry." (Of course I hurt her)

CR has taught me how to get rid of the "if's" and "but's" and make healthy amends that don't justify my actions.
I am learning that with great humility I must admit the hurt & accept responsibility, apologize and then ask for forgiveness. No excuses, no justifications.
Even if they choose to not forgive me, my part must remain the same.

"I know I worried you by not calling you and I am sorry. I should have called you and for that I am sorry. I ask for your forgiveness.

God is teaching me to take my mistakes and learn from them so as to not keep repeating the same thing. I was selfish that day and needed to think of how my choices affect others. When I learn these things and apply them to my life, I start living the promises of recovery.

"I will restore the years the locusts have eaten." Joel 2:25

How has making proper amends grown you?

Rodney Holmstrom

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