Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Horrific Evenings to Blessed Life

Evenings at home were horrific! I was at the kitchen table, doing my math homework with my step dad. I couldn't figure out the math problem I was working on and the harder my step dad tried to explain, the less I understood it. I could feel the tension in his voice as well as my brain locking up the angrier he got. I could see the frustration building into rage that would always end up with him punching me in the face, knocking me to the floor leaving me humiliated. For many years of my life I developed a mistrust toward people but specifically men. I believed all men were like this and so I avoided any kind of close contact with them. Isn't it ugly how the enemy can feed us lies thru our hurt!? The enemy used my past to keep me from blessings. I made a choice to ignore the hurt and not deal with it for so long. This just kept me living as that little boy in a man's body at the kitchen table. The fact is, I need men in my life to sharpen me and for many years was hesitant to allow them into my life. Thru CR, thru the willingness to finally face those dark memories, God has brought great healing to my life and a greater trust for men. These men are huge to my recovery and growth. We sharpen each other daily and weekly. I love how God replaces the lies "you can't trust them! They will only hurt you." -with- "I have sent you these men as a gift to walk along side you." Although, I know people will still fail me just as I do them, it is worth the rewards of opening my life and heart to allow them in. I am learning that when I trust in God, I am always protected and safe no matter what happens. True recovery comes in the context of community and boy am I so grateful to be in this community of believers, my fellow strugglers in life. I now know that it is thru Christ's strength AND the people He brings into my life that I have been able to not only forgive my step dad for his wrongdoings, but trust the new people He has graciously blessed me with today. “For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace."Isaiah 55:12. Thank You Father for leading me to peace. Thank you, Rodney Holmstrom

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