Wednesday, April 25, 2012

If You Spot It You Got It

I can spot crazy at 100 yards! I know because I used to be crazy. I’m hypersensitive to it somewhat like a former smoker or drinker. My senses are heightened because the habit is familiar. Within the last week, I had encounters with two separate people one of each gender who are riding on the crazy train. I’m not making this a sexist issue. One person was a contractor. One works for a government agency. I’m not going make this a political issue either. I simply am saying I know crazy.
A commonly accepted definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This is how I know I’m about ready to receive my doctorate in crazy. I’ve spent time in the field. I’ve studied, been tested and am able to diagnose. I’ve learned over the years, with the realization taking place after coming out of denial, that if I don’t change my ways most likely nothing else will change either. I can’t continue to overeat and not exercise without gaining weight. I can’t drink in excess and wake up feeling perky the next day. I can’t belittle others and build myself up at the same time. I can’t allow others to treat me poorly and feel good about myself. All those cant's lend themselves to my learning how to spot crazy. When I finally came out of denial and realized if I wanted change, I had to change, the choir of angels broke out in song, the sky appeared bluer and my life became lighter. I don’t carry the burden of the trappings of the comfort of crazy any longer. As crazy as it sounds, yes, there really is a certain comfort in knowing how things will be as long as I don’t change or admit an issue. I’ve chosen to give up comfort for freedom. Allow me to share my recent encounters with other people’s crazy. My first was with the contractor. We hired a friend (I know that was a slip on my part) to handle a project at our home while we were out of town. (I know mistake number two on my part. I’m really good at justifying.) When we got home instead of being thrilled and awed I was stumped and disappointed. See, when beginning the project if the immediate result was not what he expected, why did he keep going? Why not stop, reassess and change courses? The result of his choice has led to nonpayment of the job, delay in completion and he’s basically going to have to redo the entire project. Crazy, I know. Mildly irritating and inconvenient to me, however if I had not addressed the issue, then we both would be crazy. The second occurrence was on the phone. I don’t actually have to see crazy in order to know crazy. After many failed log in attempts and more than one phone call, I finally go to a human! Being the eternal optimist, I thought eureka! I will finally have my issue resolved. WRONG! I was told this is a known issue with the system. Not only was I told once, she repeated that statement at least three times. So instead of taking care of the issue, she told me how to work around it. Seriously. It’s a known problem and yet instead of fixing it, I was told how to work around it, crazy and inefficient! If she’d told me they were working to resolve it, it would have made me feel better. Oh well, not my problem to fix. I’ve learned crazy can be in both the little and big things. It doesn’t always present itself in frenzied harried obvious ways. It can be subtle, just a pause or a head tilt that trips my alarm system. Two Bible verses come to mind. Perhaps one for each incident this past week. Proverbs 27:17- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. I’m holding our contractor and friend accountable. For both our sakes the issue is being corrected. Also from Proverbs, this time 13:16- Every prudent man acts of knowledge, but a fool exposes his folly. If it’s a known issue why not fix it instead of working around it? Oy! Because I am in recovery and am changing my ways which used to include only looking at others and not acknowledging my part in something, I’ll wrap up with one more verse that comes to mind. Matthew 7:3- Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Without the plank in my eye, it’s easier for me to spot crazy. Daphne- Another Changed life If you would like information about Celebrate Recovery contact Rodney at 479-659-3679 or roholmstrom@fellowshipnwa.org

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