Monday, November 28, 2011

My Recovery Journey to Ephesus

As I wrote before, recently, I was challenged to spend time in the Book of Ephesians. So, this time as I read through it, I thought I would keep a journal of sorts on My Recovery Journey to Ephesus
Eph 1:3-6
“How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.”
I am sitting here reading these three verses stunned, awed, & humbled. Not even sure what I should write. I have no words that speak to what I feel inside. I want to break into singing but no song does it justice. This is one of those times that the Bible talks about when my spirit, my soul, my heart is groaning for me. I feel the yearning, the urging to bring God praise, yet my mind cannot find the words to express what is in my heart. More than thankfulness, more than gratitude, there is something else there that gives me pause, that brings me to tears. Lines from various worship songs flash through my head, none fit. How frustrating to not have the words, and yet, how marvelous to know something so much bigger than I can describe.
“Long before he laid the earth’s foundations, he had [me] in mind…” I read this and the thing that comes to my mind is that I am not important to God, but I am valuable to Him; we are not important to God, but we are valuable to Him. Meaning that He does not need us, but He wants us. He does not need me, but He wants me, “warts and all” as they say.
He was aware of my screw ups as He began the creation process. As He spoke and there was light, as created the heavens and the earth and all the living creatures and as breathed life into Adam, He knew then of what my screw ups would be. What kind of God is this, that will put together creation; that will provide for His creation a way of redemption while even knowing that the ones He does this for will fail Him, will screw up? What kind of God has me in mind when He does this? It is obvious that I am not important to Him; He does not need me to accomplish what He desires to accomplish. If He can work His will through Balaam’s donkey, then He surely can accomplish what He needs done without me. My skills and talents are not important to Him; I bring nothing of use to the table. YET!! He counts me as valuable?!
Who is this God that has no use for me, yet has decided that I was valuable to Him?
Who is this God that loved me before I even knew about Him?
Who is this God that wants to see me made whole, no matter what it cost Him?
Who is this God that by His love, now sees me as holy?
Who is this God that pursues after me?
Who is this God that takes my very failures and turns them for His good?
Who is this God, this Creator of all that there is, that would look through time and space and then set His affection on me?
It makes no sense!! And yet, I know that it is true, as surely as I breathe, I know it is true. Stunned, awed, humbled.
Tim, Fellowship CR Assimilation Coach

For information about Celebrate Recovery contact Rodney at 479-659-3679 or roholmstrom@fellowhsipnwa.org

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