When I Wander
Written by: Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery, Fellowship Bible Church, Rogers 5/8/19
“If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.” Matthew 18:12-13 (NIV)
I have have had a chronic illness for over 20 years. Whole body and mind fatigue are something I often battle. The Enemy uses this to tempt me to compare myself to others, slide into depression, and follow him into a spiritual wasteland.
When this happens I can backslide in my ways of thinking, and there have been days I give in to mental “wandering”, when I really need to stick extra close to God for rest, renewal & strength.
The other day I experienced a flare up of my condition. Although I had actually been struggling for weeks physically, spiritually I’d really been growing and was excited to see the work God was doing in my heart & life.
But that day, my body was trying to shut down. Everything was such a big struggle, even thinking, and I had already been pushing myself for weeks. I just didn’t have anything left in me.
But instead of turning to my Heavenly Father, and resting in His arms while being comforted by His sweet words, I slipped into my old ways of reacting to my illness. Mentally, I gave up and tried to escape feelings of not being worth anything and of failure.
My mind and feelings just didn’t want to stay content in God and I, again, was “prone to wander”.
By the end of the day I was frustrated and disappointed with myself. My heart hurt as I saw how I had wandered from my loving Father, and I didn’t want to repeat it the following day.
What to do?
Psalm 50:15a (NLT) says, “Call on Me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you” and Proverbs 4:26-27 (TEV) says “Plan carefully what you do... Avoid evil and walk straight ahead. Don’t go one step off the right way.”
I needed to go back to what I was learning in CR. I turned my thoughts back to God and He reminded me of how to plan and protect myself for tomorrow.
So, the next day, I tried to start the day right, even if I didn’t “feel” like it, reading my devotional and listening to God’s truths through Christian songs. It took a few hours, but I just kept listening through the morning, and eventually God got ahold of my heart.
When He did, I became overwhelmed with gratitude for His great mercy, patience, and love.
I don’t want to keep wandering from God. He wants me to keep moving forward- progress not perfection- yet I know I will continue to struggle with my old nature until I get my resurrected body.
But God can use even our “wanderings”, and, like I often hear it said in CR, “God never wastes a hurt”. So even when we mess up and our hearts hurt knowing we have wandered from the One who loves us the most, as we turn back to Him from wandering, we can find that His mercy & grace are even sweeter than before.
Dear Father,
You know our hearts are prone to wander like sheep, and yet your love for us is never beyond our wandering. You continually seek us and meet us where we are.
When we do stray from You, please come and quickly remind us of how great Your grace and mercy are. You’re love is bigger than our mistakes. And You are quick to offer healing and redemption for our hurts.
Thank you so much for giving me what I don’t deserve, sparing me what I do deserve, and pouring out your love on me every day.
Amen.
I have have had a chronic illness for over 20 years. Whole body and mind fatigue are something I often battle. The Enemy uses this to tempt me to compare myself to others, slide into depression, and follow him into a spiritual wasteland.
When this happens I can backslide in my ways of thinking, and there have been days I give in to mental “wandering”, when I really need to stick extra close to God for rest, renewal & strength.
The other day I experienced a flare up of my condition. Although I had actually been struggling for weeks physically, spiritually I’d really been growing and was excited to see the work God was doing in my heart & life.
But that day, my body was trying to shut down. Everything was such a big struggle, even thinking, and I had already been pushing myself for weeks. I just didn’t have anything left in me.
But instead of turning to my Heavenly Father, and resting in His arms while being comforted by His sweet words, I slipped into my old ways of reacting to my illness. Mentally, I gave up and tried to escape feelings of not being worth anything and of failure.
My mind and feelings just didn’t want to stay content in God and I, again, was “prone to wander”.
By the end of the day I was frustrated and disappointed with myself. My heart hurt as I saw how I had wandered from my loving Father, and I didn’t want to repeat it the following day.
What to do?
Psalm 50:15a (NLT) says, “Call on Me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you” and Proverbs 4:26-27 (TEV) says “Plan carefully what you do... Avoid evil and walk straight ahead. Don’t go one step off the right way.”
I needed to go back to what I was learning in CR. I turned my thoughts back to God and He reminded me of how to plan and protect myself for tomorrow.
So, the next day, I tried to start the day right, even if I didn’t “feel” like it, reading my devotional and listening to God’s truths through Christian songs. It took a few hours, but I just kept listening through the morning, and eventually God got ahold of my heart.
When He did, I became overwhelmed with gratitude for His great mercy, patience, and love.
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may
receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)
I don’t want to keep wandering from God. He wants me to keep moving forward- progress not perfection- yet I know I will continue to struggle with my old nature until I get my resurrected body.
But God can use even our “wanderings”, and, like I often hear it said in CR, “God never wastes a hurt”. So even when we mess up and our hearts hurt knowing we have wandered from the One who loves us the most, as we turn back to Him from wandering, we can find that His mercy & grace are even sweeter than before.
“ Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.”
(Excerpt from “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” by Robert Robinson)
Dear Father,
You know our hearts are prone to wander like sheep, and yet your love for us is never beyond our wandering. You continually seek us and meet us where we are.
When we do stray from You, please come and quickly remind us of how great Your grace and mercy are. You’re love is bigger than our mistakes. And You are quick to offer healing and redemption for our hurts.
Thank you so much for giving me what I don’t deserve, sparing me what I do deserve, and pouring out your love on me every day.
Amen.
Click HERE to listen to "Come Thou Fount (I Will Sing)" by Chris Tomlin
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