Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over...

There was a time in my life when I was wrapped up in myself. Pride was my biggest enemy and lead to so much junk in my life. Because of my pride and unwillingness to surrender I would find myself doing the same ugly things in my life. Lying, manipulating situations, and always trying to white knuckle my way through life. The old ugly thinking that told me if I reached out to a brother when I am struggling then I was weak and not worthy to be called a man. My life was made up of reproducing or duplicating the unhealthy things that lead to destruction or emptiness. Duplication by its very definition is to do or perform an act again repeatedly. In recovery I learned that this is called insanity, to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.Paul puts it like this in Romans 7:15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
When I have tried to control things on my own by white knuckling my way through my hurts, habits and hang-ups, it only lead to getting in deeper and deeper into my dysfunction.
But….here is the good news, when I surrender to Christ, that is when I am able to change the patterns that lead to more hurt and dysfunction in my past.
I am learning thru CR that this surrender thing has to be daily. For me to lift my head from my pillow and say “Lord, You are God and I am not. Help me today to follow Your will and not my own.” I have to learn to follow His direction and not Rodney’s.
The hope I find is in my old ways, I duplicated many, many ugly things that were lifeless, with no hope. But, Christ duplicates things too. Only He duplicates things that are GOOD and Holy.
He repeats wonderful acts of kindness in my life. I just had to remove the lies, junk and hurt from my past to be able to see clearly for the first time what those acts were.
Now that He has cleared my thoughts and mind from the past junk, I can now see His goodness, His wonderful repeated acts of kindness in my life. I can see HE IS GOOD.
Today and every day I must stand in awe of His deeds and give Him praise. To keep my perspective about Him and not me.“….I stand in awe of Your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day…” Habakkuk 3:2 NIV
My prayer today is that the Father help me see and marvel at His great and wonderful repeated acts of kindness in my life and to know that He has a plan even when things are going badly. To listen to the wisdom of those who have gone before me. To reach out to the brothers that God has placed in my life and know that it does not mean I am weak. By reaching out to others I am wise and using the tools He has given me. To know that He will lead me through each and every trial if I will just surrender to His will daily and allow Him to be God in my life. To run away from things that make me think I am in control or I can do this on my own. I am so grateful to His blessings on Celebrate Recovery to help us thru life’s mess. He turns our messes into His message! Thank You for Your faithfulness in my life Father."I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

Rodney Holmstrom

For information about Celebrate Recovery contact Rodney at 479-659-3679 or roholmstrom@fellowshipnwa.org

2 comments:

  1. Hi Rodney, just found your blog and I'm so glad I did! This is a GREAT post, filled with much truth and hope. It took me so long to learn and understand that surrender is a DAILY thing -- sometimes, for me, it becomes moment-by-moment.

    I love what you said: "He turns our messes into His message."

    Good, good stuff!

    Grace & peace,
    Pam

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  2. Great Post Rodney.

    It took me two step studies to realize I needed to surrender everyday, moment by moment, and in all circumstances regardless of whether I like the outcome. However, I find so much peace, joy, and freedom even in the midst of my trials with each surrender and giving it all back to Him.

    I love the opportunity to hear truth, apply it to my messed up thinking, and surrender yet again, so God can do the rest! Yay God, He does miraculous things in messy people like me when I simply let go and let God.

    I am so thankful He kept whispering "Be Still and Know" when this control freak fix it lady kept trying to control everyone and everything in her life to bring peace. Took me forever to finally be still, but once I got it, I GOT IT. Life is so much better when I choose to be still and allow God to be God, and give Him the reins to whatever has me stressed out. He is so good at making everything better than I could have ever thought or done. His ways are much higher than our ways.

    In the 4 years since I began my CR journey, many of my circumstances are very similar. My reaction and ability to deal with them as an adult and in peace is different. I recognize old triggers, temptations, and potential reactions so I can choose God's way instead of my way. Life is so much more stable and my desire is to be who God desires me to be.

    Thank you for your transparency and willingness to speak the truth in love when a swift kick in the hiney is needed. You are my brother in Christ and I love you. God bless you and your family as you celebrate the real reason for this season! CT

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