Saturday, August 14, 2010

Learning to Walk Unaware

In 2004 the group MercyMe came out with a CD called “Undone” and as I began my recovery in 2006, I remember finding how many of the songs on that CD seemed to speak to right where I was at, and surprisingly – they still speak today. For some time I have wanted to walk through and put down on paper my thoughts of some of these songs that have meant so much to me. The first is called “Unaware.” Would you walk with me through this song?

Unaware

by MercyMe

Forgive me if I stare
But I am taken back
That You would let me here
Regardless of my past

Oh my hands are shaking now
But I catch my breathe somehow
Oh, I am free at last


Principle One states “Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.” When the truth of that principle in a person’s life becomes clear or becomes truth, it has an “awe-ing” ability (if I may coin the word). It is no wonder that in a Celebrate Recovery meeting often I see this same expression on folks faces, this “stare” that in realizing that God, the Creator of all that is known, the one that knows me better than I know myself has invited me as I am to His presence. “Forgive me if I stare”



Recently I gave my testimony and I was once again reminded of the place of sin I was in before I came into recovery. While recognizing and giving God glory for the Work that Christ has done in my life, I am also dumbstruck in knowing the depravity of my past and then seeing my present condition in Christ and then knowing my future with Christ – I can hear myself say “…I am taken back that You would let me here regardless of my past.”



Reading the words of my testimony out loud again and finding my voice breaking again at the thought of the gift of incredible and wondrous and immeasurable grace given to me, not earned, not taken, but GIVEN by this Creator God of ours, then there is the moment when I realize what this means! I AM FREE!!!



(chorus)

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me



Understanding my freedom begins to remove the fear and destroys the condemnation and shame that had kept me bound to my sin. So much so that where they once dominated my thoughts and behaviors; they now no longer hold sway over me and even more importantly, no longer hold me captive. “Unaware of my fear…of my shame”



Replacing condemnation, fear and shame are expressions of praise, worship and adoration, knowing that this Creator King of mine is keenly interested in the details of my life. “…glorifying Your name…knowing You’re aware of me.”





Tell me how I got here
I couldn't make it on my own
Just tell me I can stay
Cause it feels so much like home
And I lose all track of time
When I look into Your eyes
Your love is all I know



Principle Two reads “Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.” There is that moment in recovery when the pain overcomes the fear. When I see Who it is that has the power to get me through the mess I have made of my life. That I become aware that there is only One that can make me right, healthy and whole again. That only in Christ will my broken heart be bound, that I will be set free: “I couldn’t make it on my own.”



As the understanding that there can be healing, that I can only be set right by Christ, I see where it is I belong, and the longing and desire to be there is like is like that of a weary traveler of many years desiring to be home. “It feels so much like home.”



As I look to Christ in this moment I see that in His eyes I have value, a value that drove Him to spread His arms wide and pay a price that only He could be so that I can find Home, the place I was created for. The value I have in His eyes has nothing to do with my abilities to be “made right” on my own, but the value I have in His eyes is by His choice and His choice alone. I can add nothing to it nor can I take anything away from it. “There is no condemnation for those who belong in Christ,” Paul tells us. “When I look into Your eyes Your love is all I see”



Unaware of my fears

Unaware of my shame

Nothing else matters here

But glorifying Your name

Unaware of everything

Knowing You're aware of me



I'm aware I'm in a place I couldn't be
If You weren't there to call my name and rescue me



Principle three states “Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.” While I may surrender my life to Christ, I cannot even do that without His strength. My weakness is such that without His drawing me to Himself, His calling of my name I could never find my way to Him on my own.



Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name

I'm unaware of all my fears
And I'm unaware of all my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name

I'm unaware that I still breathe
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me





For me the recovery journey is moving from a place where I am the center of everything, to a place where I will be “unaware” of everything, even my own breath and becoming only aware of Christ and His working in my life. “I am unaware that I still breathe”



At first this would seem to give me only a very narrow or introspective view of life. Yet, God’s ways are not our ways. As I look into the eyes of Christ, as I see and understand the value I hold in His heart, I find as I become “unaware” of what I thought was important, I find that now am becoming more aware of what Christ finds important. So I find I am driven to see that those around me also know His hope and freedom; to see that they become “unaware.”

Tim- Encourager Coach FBC Rogers AR.

To learn more about Celebrate Recovery call 479-659-3679 ir email roholmstrom@fellowshipnwa.org

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