Looking up!

By Carl Kimbro, Fellowship Bible Church, Rogers, Celebrate Recovery Devotional Team writer, 7/1/2020

When I was 10, I moved to a new town about 4 hours away. With that came a new school. It was a private school, and other than me, all the other students had been there since first grade. I was an outsider and I felt that needed to prove myself. Proving myself was not easy. I was average at everything, especially sports. At first, I was the last one chosen because I was new. Eventually it was because I was, as I said, “average.”  Eventually, I retreated to this fantasy world where I gave myself nick names like “Baseball’s Pro Carl”, or “Carl the Great.” When I became the class clown, the other students thought I was funny.  I got a lot of attention alright, but it was from the teacher and my parents for bad behavior. In my mind though, I had finally proven my “worth” to my classmates in the “mis-behavior entertainment field.” 

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
Matthew 6:26

This verse was part of teachings from Jesus in which He told the people to stop being concerned about food and material things. Instead, be concerned with Heavenly things and God will take care of the rest. And yet, this verse applies to fifth grade me. I may not have been concerned about material things, but I was concerned about earthly acceptance instead of finding my value in Christ. 

Over the years, my lack of self-esteem would resurface in the form of un-reasonable insecurities. Not one of my friends form the past or even my family would ever have guessed it because I hid it so well. But it was always there under the surface. Any failure would bring it back. So, I compensated for it with a hard personality and aggressiveness as a leader. This took me a long way in the retail world, and so I refined it and pushed it forward. Yet, the insecurities were always there. When we had family troubles and had to adopt our granddaughters, they came rushing back with a vengeance. I hid it and compensated with unhealthy and destructive habits. But I was dying on the inside. Something had to change. 

I found Celebrate Recovery.  It was at CR where that change began to take place. Through working the program, I began to gradually share my story and met people who truly cared about me, not because I could give them something or entertain them. Listening to the lessons, I finally found my self-worth and saw my value to who really matters most, to God!  I also began to value others more as well! Life was much happier. 

I encourage you to look up to God for your value and not addictive things or relationships. Let CR be a part of that. You will find your self-worth in God, and your “Forever Family” that will be with you on the journey to freedom from hurts, habits, and hang-ups. I promise you will be glad you did.

 Click HERE to listen to "Looking Up" by Matthew West