Take Courage
By Sarah Bryant, Fellowship Bible Church, Rogers, Celebrate Recovery Devotional Team
Two
years ago, on the Friday before Memorial Day, I was sitting at my desk at work…stressed
out about life and burned out at my job. With Monday being Memorial Day, I had
already planned to take the next week off work but had been too overwhelmed to
even think about what I was going to do or where I was going to go. For the
past four years I had been struggling quite a bit with panic attacks, and
traveling was something that tended make them worse.
I never used to have panic attacks. It’s a
long story, but they didn’t start until my late 20’s. It was just like the
illustration they use at CR sometimes. My life felt like I was just standing in
the water trying to hold down a bunch of beach balls. All of the sudden I
couldn’t hold them all down anymore, and one of the things that popped up out
of the water was panic attacks. Miserable, energy-sucking, joy-stealing, panic
attacks that get so intense sometimes I literally think I’m going to die. At
the time, they had gotten so bad they were starting to keep me from living my
life, and I didn’t know what my future was going to look like living with
these.
One of the things that the panic attacks had started
to control was my ability to travel. I love to travel. In fact, I have a map on
my wall of the United States with pins in all the places I’ve been. I had
checked off 30 of the 50 states and had even been fortunate enough to take a
couple of trips to Europe. But that was all before…before those debilitating
panic attacks started…before planes triggered a fear of being trapped with no
control to leave…before hotel rooms had beds that were unfamiliar and scary.
So there I was, two years ago, sitting at my desk, not
altogether excited about what the coming week off would bring, and dreaming of
what it used to feel like to take a vacation to a new place…and then…I did it! I
made the decision. The decision that would change the way I fought my battle
with panic attacks. At noon that Friday I jumped on a last-minute travel
website and booked a trip to Alaska…alone…and I went wheels up a day and a half
later! Going to Alaska had been on my bucket list for a while, but the thought
of panicking had grounded almost all of my travel plans over the past few
years. But that day I decided that I was getting on that plane, and I was
either going to panic, pass out, and die in the air, or I was going to land in
Alaska.
And guess what? I did
have a panic attack on the plane. But guess what also?…I didn’t die…and when I landed in Alaska and saw the unbelievable
beauty of God’s creation, something inside me changed. In that moment I knew
that I was going to be OK. I knew that I would continue to have struggles in
this life, whether they be panic attacks or something else, but I had a choice.
I could confine myself to the perceived safety of my couch and let the panic
attacks, and things from my past that caused them, control the rest of my life,
or I could get out there and live!
With the help of CR and therapy, I’m learning to
manage my anxiety and panic attacks. They are still definitely in my mind, but
they don’t control my actions anymore. Alaska was state #31 for me, and last
year I checked off #32. And each time I’m tempted to say “no” to something for
fear of a panic attack I remind myself of Alaska, and I choose to be
courageous.
I’m so glad I made the decision, with a whole lot of God’s
strength, to get on that airplane. It ended up being the trip of a lifetime and
will always remind me of the inner courage that God gives all of us to overcome
whatever obstacles life may bring.
Whatever your struggle, fight courageously today, friend!
“These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you
may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have
overcome the world.” – John 16:33
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