This is Gonna Hurt, Isn't It?

Ok, so if you have a weak stomach, this might gross you out a bit but the parallels are just too good for me not to share. This is the part where the announcer voice comes on the screen and says, “Warning, the following information may not be suitable for all stomachs. Parental discretion is advised. 
Ok, maybe not that bad but it depends on how you deal with these kinds of things.

I recently developed an ingrown finger nail on my right hand. Man, did it ever hurt!!! I couldn’t even type an email without feeling incredible pain. It began to swell up and turn all kinds of interesting colors. This went on for days and it was not a pretty picture at all.
Finally I ran into one of my buddies and he told me after looking at it “bro that looks bad! You are going to have to cut that open and let it drain to get the junk out of there that is causing the infection.”

Ok, now I need to tell you, this is where I turn my man card in. I am one of the biggest wimps when it comes to this kind of thing. Did he just say “cut that open”?!?!?!?Uh, yes he did. Are you crazy!? So he hands me a brand new razor blade and told me to cut right on the infection for best results. Sounds like a commercial doesn’t it? :)
He then gave me alcohol wipes to clean the blade first, medicine to put on the cut afterward, a band aid and a kick in the pants to getter done!

So I went back to my office, packed my finger in ice to get it good and numb and…waited then.....I waited some more. Yeah I know, pathetic...
And then…yes I did it. I cut a small hole in the infection and all the junk started coming out of it. (I told you this might get graphic but you didn’t listen did you? :)
Here is the amazing thing, after I got all the infection out, put the medicine on the wound and a band aid, my finger felt a million times better. It was so awesome! I could touch my finger again and not feel like it had been hit by a hammer. The question I immediately thought was, “why in the world did you wait so long to do this Rodney!!!?!???!

So this got me to thinking about moral inventory thru step four of Celebrate Recovery. When I first sat down to write my inventory while going thru my first step group, I had a lot of the same feeling I did when I was facing dealing with my wounded and infected finger. I did not want to do it!
I had thoughts like, “Are you crazy!? I am not doing that!” or, “That’s gonna hurt too much to do this”. I had people around me telling me that it was necessary in order to deal with the hurt in my heart from my past. To deal with the “infection” that was not only infecting me, but the rest of my life, family and friends.
I needed a swift kick (in a loving way) in the pants from my sponsor to say, “You need to do this brother and you CAN do this. You will feel so much better afterward.
I can tell you now, just like my finger, I felt like a million bucks after I shared my inventory with my sponsor. He didn’t judge me, I didn't die and my life began to change as a result of my obedience to Him. James 5:16 tells us in order to enjoy the fruit and get on the right road, the healing road, Jesus purpose in our road to recovery, we must “confess our sins to one another, and pray for one another, SO THAT, we may be healed.” Our Father, the One who created us tells us to confess all our junk to one another and pray for one another because He knows what and how we function as humans. We do this why? SO THAT we may be healed.
Yes, it hurts to go thru it but after we have made the incision into our cut, thru writing this stuff out and confessing it to someone we trust, we see the infected areas, the bitterness, rage, selfisness, self righteouness, pride, fear, anxiety, control issues, addictions, gossip, judgemental hearts, greed, depression, low self esteem come oozing out and then Jesus applies His medicine with the help of the Holy Spirit and the men and women He puts in our life.
Yes, it takes courage and I didn’t think I could do it either. But you know what? It wasn't half as bad as what the enemy made it out to be. He was making it much worse than it actually was. I was making it much worse cause I believed the lies from the enemy.
I like this new clean and hopeful road of hope He has me on. He has given me a clean start in life and I am grateful. I am no where near perfect but I have new hope now.
Let me ask you a question that was asked of me, how bad does it have to get before you do the necessary work toward freedom. What would have happened if I didn’t cut into my finger? I would still be hurting and worse yet, my finger would be much worse. The infection would still be tormenting my whole body.
Denial is me saying, it’s not that bad, really! I can just type without my middle finger.
I am so glad we have a safe place in CR to take off the mask of denial and feel safe to say, “I have a wound and it hurts badly. How can I deal with this pain and find relief in my heart from hurt, failures, fears and yes, even denial in my life?”
CR is a safe place to do that and I promise, though it is hard at times, it feels so wonderful on the other side of the process. You will be saying what I said myself, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?!”
Come join me and hundreds of thousands dealing with the infected areas of our life at Celebrate Recovery.
Rodney Holmstrom
For more information about Celebrate Recovery, contact Rodney at 479-659-3679 or roholmstrom@fellowshipnwa.org